Thursday, 7 February 2013

Coming nearer to 45

That is a number, in fact reaching 4 series number, is what many women dreaded i think. Because, it is really the time when younger generation starts calling us 'makcik' . But of course, some get called 'makcik' or aunt at much earlier age than that. Especially when we adopt 'that makcik' look and yes, when your children are all grown up. But then, what's wrong with that, right? It just shows that we are more experienced and we are being respected and acknowledged by the younger generations.

I am not dreading reaching 45 but i really feel that i am very old already. And i think i have not reached anywhere in my life. I have not done anything significant so far. But then again, i have never set high goals in my life. I want a simple life and so, my life is now...simple. Tribulations are normal occurrence in any normal human life.

I remember this, a long time ago, after finishing my undergraduate studies, as my friends and i were getting ready packing to go home, we discussed about what next after this. When everyone was talking about continuing their studies, my respond was this, 'saya nak balik, nak kahwin.' hehehehe...that shows how 'ambitious' i was. And at that time, i was really thinking that i will just be a housewife and an educated one so that i can teach my own children. And now...i have turned to a completely opposite direction. I have now become a workaholic woman. What a changed person i have become.

Anyway....soon, i'll be 45. I am actually scared. I dont know why but i just feel scared. Its not about age is always linked with death but perhaps more of what have i achieved in my life and what is my plan next. Do i want to stay as the person with the same personality or should i change a bit so that i am different in a positive way?

The stress of thinking...

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